Of a different breed.

I've been thinking about this lately. One of my friends was a little nervous to have her friends, us, start mingling with her boyfriend's friends.
 I grin and say, " noo, it'll be alright? we're adults right? we can all try to get along. it'll be fine." Our core really only contains sarah, chris, courtney( when shes around), and me. I told chris what sarah said and his reaction was exactly the same as her,
 " ..yeaaah. i dont know about that, we're kind of weird people. We're our own kind of breed."
I laughed, and never really thought of ourselves to be "different," and not in like a bad way or anything i think...i don't think we're anything AWESOME, but we're unique people that i suppose take interest in different things and events in the world. More to our lives then facebook status, football & video games i suppose. 

I'm not very old but life in highschool was awesome. when i look back on photos of the past...life was truly a dream with no cares in the world.Partying, having fun, do some homework and go hang out with your friends in parking lots. I guess people say we were clicky back then. maybe we were...maybe we still are... but we never exclude anyone. Eventually by our senior year everyone was friends with everyone. But then i got into college were everyone seems to only be worried about themselves. it seems to me extremely hard to make friends who i would actually care for. i hope that doesnt make me sound stuck up. But in all honesty try to have a real conversation with me. I think im pretty easy to get along with..  if you like me i like you. but i just cant deal with self centered people.  maybe im being too cynical of people. or im not giving them a chance? I'm kind of sad that i havent made those great relationships that i should have in college? I guess i didn't get the traditional big university thing either. I seem to have an old soul....I always gravitate to the older crowd. SO maybe im just weird. It just seems like everyone is in a hurry to get we every there going, were all just so disconnected from each other. Nothing seems personal anymore. Mass txt & email, fb, getting on a bus putting your headphones on, and do you remember the last time you got a real snail mail letter? I dont know life just seems to hit a really weird intersection.
I try not be like all those sorority girls who are getting wasted at 2 in the afternoon. and all they care about it partying and the gossip around campus. like seriously who gives a crap, in reality is that even going to mean anything to you in 7 year? yeah the greek life thing is a neat idea but its also kind of cult like. no offensive. I guess to be fair not everyone acts like that, just the good majority i've experienced.
 i think i have a good heart, my intentions are there and i care, maybe too much for others. Maybe when we get older we just start getting tainted and jaded from all the crappy negative shit we have to put up with. working, making money to be able to pay rent and live is pretty stressful. Maybe having no money left to have fun. Or many people are just big jerks and i picking the wrong type of people to surround myself with...Maybe my pink rosie shades have just finally disappeared completely.
The holidays always remind me of all the people i do have though in my life and that i love very much. Yes Quality is way more important than Quantity now a days..

Anyway im getting sick, my sisters been hacking her lungs out on everything..UGH! pisses me off. i hate being sick. I see her coughing in her hands and then touching everything!!! oh i was praying not to get sick... but of course its inevitable.
So some things i've been meaning to catch up on was thanksgiving and snow day photos.

I spy something red.

Sony licking up some snow! Yum.

 I've been really interested in macro photography lately. I know i take pictures of kind of weird things, but i find some beauty in it, and i suppose thats all that matters right? haha.. Oh well. Hope someone else can appreciate it too.


CURRENT TUNE: Brett Dennen, ain't no reason.

OH! and last night glees episode was kind of dramatic and kind of annoying, but at the end they had a great preformance, they picked The dogs days are over by FLorence and the machine..OH...i love it oh so much!! I think they did a great job.

It Gets Better.

I came across this video earlier today... I really don't like to sit through whole youtube videos. But this one really was heart felt. I feel for those who suffer in silence and feel like their alone. We all feel little sometimes, shouldn't we as man kind try to help each other up, looking past gender, age, orientation; look at each other as equals? people who cry and bleed all the same. Of course my views differ from others, but we should at least listen with open ears & hearts. Thanks Pixar for standing behind your employees & putting this video together..

The First Fill in the blank friday!

I stumbled upon this awesome blog! im new to this whole thing. so im sorry lauren i totally linked your site! HA! i dont know what im doing! but her site is awesome. so thanks for distracting me for a few minutes! I found her through my friend Liz.  SO here it goes!

1.   My Thanksgiving plans this year will include      Going to visit my boyfriends family in Washington, and having dinner with my own family! I'm SO excited to stuff my face of good home cooking!

2.  My favorite Thanksgiving was  .....You know...i love every thanksgiving!!! I have a huge family so really its always an excuse to get together and chow down!

3.  My signature Thanksgiving dish is  ...I'm great at eating ;)... i usually bring a good dessert...BUT this year should be different i haven't thought of what I should bring this year...any good recipes?

4.  My favorite Thanksgiving food is   pumpkin pie hands down easily!!! And really for some reason i really like that weird looking cranberry sauce that everyone always thinks twice about. Maybe because it looks funky coming out of the can.. but hey i love that stuff with turkey!!!...and stuffing...MMM!

5.  Thanksgiving free association!     Pumpkin pie, family, LOADS of food & drinks, potluck, Turkey gooble gooble. stuffing, Indians & Pilgrims, Leafs turning, chaos. :)

6.  Thansgiving is    My response is almost the same reason as Laurens. I Love thanksgiving because its filled with good food, great company without the hassle & stress of presents. Its a simple holiday so i hope everyone enjoys it that way. Dont forget to tell the ones you care about thank u & that u love them! And take the time to really think about why your thankful. I know i complain about my life alot but that doesnt mean i dont  love it!

7.  I am thankful for   a loving family regardless of my actions and who are supportive of my personal choices. I'm thankful for my goofy sister and my animals SOny & Jake. they really do make life so much better. I'm thankful that i have the opportunities to make my own choices and even having all these different options from clothes, to religion, and career. Im thankful for all those who work so hard and sometimes don't get the appreciation they deserve, i hope they all know we all do appreciation the behind the senses work. I'm thankful for my health. Thankful to have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me no matter what. Thankful to have such wonderful friends who are really my true friends. and of course im thankful for all the food thats going to be provided for this holiday! OH and I how i forget...im thankful to have GOOD MUSIC in my life!...I'm VERY thankful for the life i live.

I want to write so much more now! but i have many many chores to attend too. But i was very excited to do this BLANK friday! Thanks Lauren!

A RiinnNg ALing aling, Cing cIng, you got it or u aint.

Well, i got what i wish for. I finally put my resume into a temp agency. Got placed in a call center, never had experience with this. Interesting for the most part. Theres like 300 of us. SOOO many people. My shift starts at 5 am-1:30pm...OH MY! SO EARLY! i actually should go to bed. i've just been so antsy to write my blog....I hate having to sleep at 8 to get up at 3! glad this isnt my career.The center is super chaotic, no one knows what their doing at all, not even the leads.they walk around and pretend like they know what their doing. its pretty interesting. Everyones a temp, with different backgrounds, age, professions, i've met some pretty neat people. I'm going to leave it here for now and continue when i have the time. apparently we are going to have to work 12 days straight! over time..i HOPE! anyway iam getting sleepy. i'll leave with this note, came across it and its a beautiful picture.

Your deserving too

I'm a weird mood. I don't know. I don't know how to explain this state i'm in. Is it possible to be upset without knowing the cause? well I think I know the problem. but its hard to admit to myself. Tell me world, how to stop being so indecisive. I seem to live my life always in the gray and never in the black or white. I guess i would rather live in a more colorful world but those standards seem hard to obtain. I need this damn program to start so i stop feeling so empty.... maybe thats it. i just feel....empty and alone in a sense. i feel awful saying this but my head is just spinning with ideas, thoughts, and pain. Things I have a hard time expressing in words. i just dont know when i started feeling so...BLAH. i think ive been doing somethings to numb my thoughts and feelings for so long and for once im thinking clearing and having to face this reality. Someone once told me if you dont like the cake change the ingredients, i thought that was a pretty good analogy. I'm not very happy/content with my life, i need to change something. What though i dont know. I hope no one is actually reading this, none of my thoughts make sense. i just need a place to vent. I have an interview tomorrow for a job, hope this shit happens. seriously not being productive has made mee feel like a shitty useless person.i think im slowly getting stupider by the passing days. 

ALright early day for me, maybe for you as well. Goodnight fellow bloggers.

Current music: Shark in the water- V.V Brown...Love Love it right now.

It'll be alright, hold on to what you know is true.

Current tune: Feel the tide, Mumford and sons...rocks.

 It's been a good weekend and good few days. Moving back into town takes some time to adjust back to normal civilian life. I forget people around here don't walk around in there sweats and backpacks. people shun some of the things college kids do in the streets..cars..I'm just so content with just hanging out at home. so lame.
However this weekend was different. One of my friends got tickets to a comedy club downtown. we were all virgins and a little skeptical. the demographics were all over the board so really we didn't know what to expect. But hey alcohol and food were involved so whatever. the show turned out to be hilariousssssss! so flippin funny its a must do. After the show my buddy chris and i attended this party in NE called blow pony. everyone was just feelin it, the music, the men, the women. it was  freaking fun. definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone but i guess we should do at least one thing were scared of a day. I should start being more serious about that philosophy. the only thing that sucks partying downtown now is having to get back home somehow after a night of drinking. but as you can see i always figure out a way to get home.

What else happened this week.

Its weird how highschool works. i kind of miss those days. pretty low stress, just hanging out with your friends, no one really had a serious job. life was good then. ANYWAY, I met up with one of my old girlfriends from HS. its interesting that we all go our separate ways after all these years but yet somehow we end up back here. I'm sure the state of our current economy aids to the cause. but i guess for my own selfish needs i like having those old friendships alive again. I mean things havent changed much between Jahnel and i, life gets busy ya know?

Yesterday was the first blazer game against the phoenix suns. my favorite people came over and we carved pumpkins and watched the game. take a guess what each one are. i like carving pumpkins, but i always forget the feelings of sticking your hands into a cold pumpkin and scoping the guts out. nasty. everyone seems to always get stressed when their carving. Cmon its suppose to be fun not something to get anxious over. chris also came in a great costume that i really want!i dig it. its funny.
 we decided we should be different species of bears. i mean..really how funny would that be if u saw random people dressed up as bears drinking a cocktail or beer. pretty damn funny. i dont know what to be of even what im doing yet for halloween. it falls on a sunday this year. kind of lame cause people work on monday and also sarah works fri and sat at 4 am. that blows huge.   anyway. i love this. i love just ramble about nothing important.Blazers had a back to back game today. so far 2-0! freakin ya! my boy batum is owning. mmm i love him. anyway, this is early for me but i gotta get up early for a doctors appt. my fav.

Hmmm

Current track: Laundry room; Avett Brothers

I'm not sure if this is a good habit to be getting into. Oh the joys of funployment. Having no schedule, sleep when I want, wake up when I want, do as I wish whenever I want too! Who I am kidding of course I dig this life style. But then the that little voice inside my head is telling me to stop being such a piece of crap. JOBS JOBS. I HATE APPLYING TO JOBS. I mean really, how many times have you fill out the addresses of your previous jobs and  3 references. Just gets tedious. Blah. Hope is slowly fading away. Everyone around me is busy with school, work, seriously I feel so useless. lol. I mean my life is going to start getting busy in December I guess it isn't THAT long, nonetheless it FEELS like FOREVER and too long to be doing nothing. 

Tomorrow I'm headed down to the eug to visit my bf just for the day though. Totally sucks that I'm here right now and his whole apartment complex is celebrating the Ducks victory. Hopefully we'll be ranked numba 1!! 

Ugh, I feel asleep at like 6 pm and took a 2 hour nap, so not tired. I'm going to stick my nose into the book thief before I hit the hay. I forgot how good it felt to actually read for fun again. Anyone out there have a good book suggestion?

Its been awhile.

Wow, apparently I never use this. I forgot this account existed until I tried to make a new account. hehe. Everyday I think of random ass thoughts in my head and think huh I should write this down somewhere... By the time I get home I forgot hahaha. I should start writing things down.

I'm kind of new to this eblogging culture. But looking at some other blogger's inspire me to share my life. I can't say I have a very interesting life but I'm trying to enjoy and learn on this journey. There are alot of ups and downs but shit I suppose you can't truly enjoy one without the other. Looking back at my past blogs makes me so bummer to be back to lame reality. I'm trying to make the right decisions in my life so I'll be able to live how I'd like in the future. I just hope I'm making the right choice not the mention praying to get myself through this surgical tech program.

Other then trying to get my life in order what else...I love music and photography. All sorts of genres over the years. My boyfriend bought me a lomography camera last Christmas but I have yet to get film developed. Not having money kind of puts a damper on things.

I guess this blog is just going to be my rambling thoughts. Is that what these are suppose to be? In reality I can't imagine that many people interested in this life either.

                     

I recently moved back home. Trying to get some help while going to school. It's super weird and hard being back here. After 3 years of freedom I've been spoiled. Oh well. It could be worse. Just gotta suck it up and get through it.
Random thought. The other day while I was driving with my aunt in SE portland there was this old man, pretty old mowing his lawn. I don't know why but that seems to amaze me. That the human will is so strong and still thrives.I don't know I've worked with old people we were like 102! my Grandpas getting pretty old, 98. Slowly its obviously his health is declining. I always wonder though if hes come to terms, I mean obviously its scary as shit. I don't think I have for myself. But I can only hope to live as long as him and see the things he has. I'll just leave it at that for now.

This internet thing is crazy. To stop and really think about how connected and plugged in we all are. Kinda freaky.. I'm getting tired. I'll finish this thought later.

I'm leaving on some photo notes;
 

Current Music: Glee soundtrack

Current Reading: The Book Thief